50 ways to leave your roommate...

[erisesoteric]

Well, actually, only 28, but it's a good start. Yes, I stole this from another board.

1) Every time your roommate walks in yell, "Hooray! You're back!" as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, "Shouldn't you be going now?"

2) Trash the room when your roommate's not around. Then leave and wait for him/her to come home.then act surprised. Say, "Uh-oh, it looks like, they, were here again."

3) Set your roommate's bed on fire. Apologize and explain that you've been cold lately.

4) Draw a tiny, black spot on your arm. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, "It's spreading, it's spreading."

5) Every time you wake up, start yelling, "Help! Where the fuck am I?!?", then run around the room for a few minutes. Then go back to bed. If your roommate asks, say you don't know what he/she is talking about.

6) Buy a plant. Sleep with it at night. Talk to it. After a few weeks, start to argue with it loudly. Then yell, "I can't live in the same room with you," storm out of the room and slam the door. Get rid of the plant, but keep the pot. Refuse to discuss the plant ever again.

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your roommate and mutter, "Soon, soon..."

8) If your roommate comes home after midnight, hit him/her on the head with a rolling pin. Immediately go to bed, muttering, "Ungrateful little..."

9) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

10) Feign a serious illness for two weeks. Have a priest come to your room and visit you. Write out a will, leaving everything to your roommate. One day, miraculously "recover." Insist that your roommate write out a will, leaving everything to you. Every time he/she coughs, excitedly say, "Oooh, are you dying?"

11) Cover your bed with a tent. Live inside it for a week. If your roommate asks, explain that "It's a jungle out there." Get your roommate to bring you food and water.

12) When your roommate comes in, pretend that you are on the phone, screaming angrily and shouting obscenities. After you hang up, say, "That was your mom. She said she'd call back."

13) Every time your roommate comes in, immediately turn off the lights and go to bed. When he/she leaves, get up and loudly yell, "Okay, guys, you can come out now."

14) Talk back to your "Rice Krispies." All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, "No, I want to watch them suffer."

15) Change the locks on the door. Don't let your roommate in unless he/she says the secret word. Change the secret word often. If your roommate can't guess the secret word, make him/her pay a fine.

16) Put up flyers around the building, reporting that your roommate is missing. Offer a reward for his/her safe return.

17) Paint a tunnel on the wall like they do in cartoons. Every day, hit your head as you attempt to crawl through it. Hold your head and grumble, "I'll get that pesky road runner...."

18) Buy a telescope. Sit on your bed and look across the room at your roommate through the telescope. When you're not using the telescope, act like your roommate is too far away for you to see.

19) Watch "Psycho" every day for a month. Then act excited every time your roommate goes to take a shower.

20) Go through your roommate's textbooks with a red pen, changing things and making random corrections. If your roommate protests, tell him/her that you just couldn't take it anymore.

21) Late at night, start conversations that begin with, "Remember the good old days, when we used to..." and make up stories involving you and your roommate.

22) Whenever your roommate sneezes, go and hide in the closet for about half an hour. Come out looking dazed and act terrified of your roommate, keeping a good distance.

23) Sit and stare at your roommate for hours. Bring others in to join you. Eat peanuts, throwing a few at your roommate. Then say, "Boy, these zoos just aren't what they used to be."

24) Tell your roommate that your toe hurts, and that means there's going to be a murder in the room.

25) Buy a lobster. Pretend to play cards with it. Complain to your roommate you think the lobster has a marked deck.

26) Make pancakes every morning, but don't eat them. Draw faces on them, and toss them in the closet. Watch them for several hours each day. Complain to your roommate that your "pancake farm" isn't evolving into a self-sufficient community. Confide in your roommate that you think the king of the pancakes has been taking bribes.

27) Buy some turtles. Paint numbers on their backs. Race them down the hall.

28) If your roommate has a pet, offer to feed their pet for them. Start taking bottles of glue and white out from your desk before your roommate can answer.

[Exotic Ginger]

Hey, that's my old roommate.